How to Deal with Your Ex

The Strategy Guide for Tulsa Fathers

Separation is rarely easy, but when you add children and a high-conflict ex-partner to the mix, it can feel like you are navigating a minefield. You are likely reading this because you are tired of the arguments, worried about your time with your children, and unsure of your legal standing in Oklahoma.

You are not alone. At Dads.Law, we hear these stories every day.

The most important thing you need to know right now is this: Your reaction to your ex determines your future in family court.

If you are wondering how to deal with your ex without losing your mind—or your custody rights—the answer lies in treating co-parenting like a business arrangement. By removing emotion and focusing on strategy, you can protect your role as a father.

Understanding Your Rights Under Oklahoma Law

Before you engage with a difficult ex, you must understand the ground rules set by the State of Oklahoma. Many fathers believe the system is automatically rigged against them. While bias exists, Oklahoma statutes are actually written to be gender-neutral.

The “Best Interests” Standard

In Tulsa County and throughout the state, the court’s primary concern is the “best interests of the child” (43 O.S. § 109). This means the judge at the Tulsa County Courthouse does not care about your personal grievances with your ex; they care about stability for your children.

The Policy on Shared Parenting

Under 43 O.S. § 112, it is the policy of Oklahoma to assure children have frequent and continuing contact with parents who have shown the ability to act in the child’s best interest.

What this means for you:

If your ex is acting as a “gatekeeper”—preventing you from seeing your children or making decisions—she may be violating this core state policy. However, to prove this, you must keep your hands clean. If you react with anger, threats, or aggression, you validate her narrative that you are dangerous or unstable.

Common Types of High-Conflict Exes

Identifying the type of behavior you are dealing with helps us formulate a legal strategy.

The Gatekeeper

This ex controls the schedule rigorously. She may deny visitation because “the child is sick” or “you didn’t confirm in time.” She views the children as her property and you as a visitor.

The Disparager

This ex speaks negatively about you to the children, teachers, or mutual friends. This is often referred to as Parental Alienation. While difficult to prove, consistent documentation can expose this behavior to a judge.

The Revisionist Historian

She constantly changes the narrative of past agreements. “I never said you could have them for Christmas,” even though you have a text message saying otherwise.

Step-by-Step: How to Deal with Your Ex

If you are currently in the middle of a separation or a custody battle in Tulsa, follow these steps immediately to protect your case.

1. The B.I.F.F. Communication Method

When communicating with a hostile ex, use the BIFF method established by conflict resolution experts:

• Brief: Keep it short. No lectures.
• Informative: Stick to the facts (logistics, times, medical needs).
• Friendly: Use a neutral tone. A simple “Thanks” goes a long way.
• Firm: Set boundaries without being aggressive.

2. Move Communications to Writing

Stop having verbal arguments. Move all communication to text, email, or a court-monitored app like OurFamilyWizard or Talking Parents.

• Why? In Tulsa family court, printed logs from these apps are admissible evidence. It prevents “he said, she said” scenarios.

3. Do Not Move Out (Without a Plan)

One of the biggest mistakes Tulsa dads make is moving out of the marital home to “keep the peace” before a temporary order is in place.

• Leaving the home can be argued as you voluntarily ceding primary custody to the mother.
• Always consult with an attorney at Dads.Law before establishing a new residence.

4. Parallel Parenting vs. Co-Parenting

If you cannot “co-parent” (collaborate flexibly), you may need a Parallel Parenting plan. This allows you to parent effectively while disengaging from each other completely.

• Communication is limited to emergencies.
• Exchanges take place at neutral locations (school, daycare) to avoid face-to-face contact.
• Each parent runs their household independently without interference.

What To Do If…

She Denies Your Visitation

1. Show up anyway. Go to the exchange point.
2. Document it. Keep a written diary of times she has not followed the ordered visitation schedule.
3. File a Motion to Enforce. File a motion to enforce your visitation rights.
4. Do not stop paying child support. Visitation and support are separate issues. 

She Files a Protective Order (PO)

This is a common tactic in high-conflict divorces to gain immediate exclusive possession of the house and kids.

1. Obey the order immediately. Do not contact her to “explain.”
2. Call Dads.Law immediately. A violation of a PO is a crime. We need to prepare for the hearing to prove the PO is being used as a tactical weapon, not for genuine safety.

Damages and Legal Recourse

If your ex is found to be willfully violating court orders, Oklahoma courts have remedies:

• Make-Up Time: You may be awarded additional time to compensate for missed visits.
• Attorney Fees: If she is found in contempt of court, the judge may order her to pay your legal fees.
• Custody Modification: In severe cases of alienation or gatekeeping, the court may determine that the mother is unfit to be the primary parent because she cannot facilitate a relationship with the father.

How Dads.Law Can Help

We are not just a general practice firm; we are the top Fathers Rights law firm in Tulsa. We understand the unique bias men face in the family law system.

When you hire Dads.Law, we help you:

• Draft “Bulletproof” Parenting Plans: We eliminate vague language (like “reasonable visitation”) that high-conflict exes exploit.
• Strategize Communication: We coach you on how to write correspondence that will look good to a judge.
• Litigate Aggressively: When negotiation fails, we are ready to fight for your rights in court.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can my ex move my children out of Tulsa without my permission?

Generally, no. Under Oklahoma’s Relocation Act (43 O.S. § 112.3), a custodial parent must give 60 days’ written notice before moving the child more than 75 miles away. You have the right to object to this move if you are established as the legal parent, and the court will decide based on the child’s best interest.

Do I still have to pay child support if she won’t let me see the kids?

Yes. In Oklahoma, child support and visitation are separate issues. If you stop paying, you risk being held in contempt of court, losing your driver’s license, or even facing jail time. The correct legal remedy is to file a Motion to Enforce Visitation, not to withhold money.

What is the “Helping Children Cope with Divorce” seminar?

In Tulsa County (and many other Oklahoma counties), parents involved in divorce or custody cases based on incompatibility are usually required to attend a generic educational seminar about the impact of divorce on children. Completing this promptly shows the court you are a responsible father.

Can my ex keep me from school records or doctor appointments?

Unless your parental rights have been terminated or a specific court order restricts you, you have equal access to medical and educational records. If schools or doctors are denying you access based on your ex’s word, Dads.Law can issue a legal demand to rectify this.

Do Not Go At It Alone

Dealing with a difficult ex is exhausting, but you do not have to do it alone. Every text you send, every reaction you have, and every legal move you make shapes your future relationship with your children.

Don’t let a high-conflict ex dictate your life. Take control of the situation today.

Contact Dads.Law today to schedule a consultation with a Tulsa fathers rights attorney. Let us help you secure the future you and your children deserve.